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A seriously funny guy with his broken pronounciation

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发表于 2010-4-12 13:18:59 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
 楼主| 发表于 2010-4-12 13:27:31 | 显示全部楼层
Just in case you didn't get it.

My name is Joe Wong. But to most people, I am known as “Who?” which is actually my mother’s maiden name, and the answer to my credit card security question.

Joking aside, I want to reassure you that I am invited here tonight. And I was padded down for guns. I don’t know how long the Supreme Court will continue to allow this.

I grew up in China. Who didn’t? Most of my childhood memories are ruined by my childhood.
When I was in elementary school, as part of the curriculum, I worked at a rice paddy next to a quarry where they use explosives to break rocks. That’s where I learned that light travels faster than sound, which is almost as slow as a flying rock.

My dad was a grumpy guy. But occasionally he tried to cheer me up with jokes. When I was 7 he said to me, “Son, why is tofu better than centralized socialist economy?” 5 minutes later, I said, “Why?” He said, “Because I said so!”

In 1994, I came to the United States to study at Rice University in Texas. I was driving this used car with a lot of bumper stickers that are impossible to peel off. And one of them said, “If you don’t speak English, go home!” And I didn’t notice it for two years.

We always wanted my son to become the president. We try to make him speak Chinese at home and English outside in public. Sometimes I had to say to him in public, “If you don’t speak English, go home!” He said, “Why do I have to learn two languages?” I said, “When you become the president, you will have to sign legislative bills in English, and talk to debt collectors in Chinese!”

After I graduated from Rice, I decided to stay in the US because in China I can’t do the thing I do best here, being ethnic. In order to become a citizen, we immigrants had to take American history lessons with questions like: Who’s Benjamin Franklin? We were like, “Ahh.., the reason our convenient store gets robbed?” What’s the second Amendment? We were like, “Ahh.., the reason our convenient store gets robbed?” What is Roe vs Wade? We went, “Ahh…, two ways of coming to the US?”

Later I read a lot about American history. So much so that I started to feel white guilt.
In America, all men are created equal, but after birth, it depends on their parents’ income for early education and healthcare.

I read on Men’s Health magazine that president Obama every week has two cardio days and 4 weight lifting days. I don’t have to exercise because I have health insurance. I live in Massachusetts where we had universal healthcare and then elected Scott Brown. Talk about mixed message! I think there was a movie about him. It’s called “Kill Bill”

We have Mr. vice president Joe Biden here tonight. I have read your autobiography and today I see you. I think the book is much better. They should have cast Brad Pitt, or Angelina Jolie.
We have many distinguished journalists here whom I consider as peers. I once wrote for the campus newspaper. Journalism is the last refuge for puns. Only in a newspaper can I say, “I was born in the year of the horse, that’s why I’m a neigh-sayer (nay-sayer)”

This is my first time on CSPAN, a channel I obvious always watch when I couldn’t handle the demagoguery and sensationalism of PBS and QVC. If I still couldn’t go to sleep after watching CSPAN, there are CSPAN2 and 3!

I was just thrilled to be invited to tonight’s event. I showed the White House my jokes about the president, and that’s when Obama decided not to come and started the immigration reform. Take that Stephen Colbert!

Obama has been accused of being too soft. But he was conducting two wars and they still gave him the Nobel peace prize, and he accepted it. You can’t get more bad-ass than that! The only way you can be more bad-ass than is that if you took the peace prize money and gave it to the military.

I finally became a US citizen in 2008. Thank you! America is number one! That’s true! We won the World Series every year!

2008 was the year of the presidential election. But I believe the apathy among non-voters is the real problem. I immediately registered to vote for Obama/Biden. (Turn and face Biden) You are welcome. You had me at “Yes we can” That was their slogan.

After getting them elected, I felt this power trip and started to think maybe I should run for president myself. I have to explain a little here. I had always been kind of a morose and pessimistic guy. I feel that life is like peeing into the snow in a dark winter night. You probably made a difference, but it’s really hard to tell.

Now we have a president who is half black half white. That just gives me so much hope because I am half not black half not white. Two negatives make a positive.

So my fellow Americans, you may be thinking what is your campaign slogans? You see, I spent 10 years in the past decade. You too? I understand that Americans are suffering. My campaign slogan will be, “Who cares!”

If elected, I will make same sex marriage not only legal, but also required! This will make appeal to young voters because when I was young I was really scared about marriage. I was like, “Wow! 50% of all marriages end up lasting forever!”

I will eliminate unemployment by reducing the productivity of American workers so that two people have to do the job of one, just like the vice president and the president, the Olson twins.

Despite heart diseases and cancer, most Americans die from natural causes. If elected, I will find a cure for natural causes. It may not be covered by insurance because of pre-existing conditions.

I have a quick solution for global warming. I will switch from Fehrenheit to Celcius. It was 100 degrees and now it’s 40! You are welcome!

I’m great at foreign policy because I’m from China and I can see Russia from my backyard.

On foreign policy. I believe that unilateralism is too expensive; open dialog is too slow. If elected, I will go with text messaging. I’ll text our allies just to say hi; and text our enemies when they are driving. “OMG you are making nuclear weapons! But U R doing it wrong, LOL!”

I would like to thank Radio and TV Correspondents’ Association for giving such an incredible honor! This is the first time I wish my 3 year old son knew what I was doing.
 楼主| 发表于 2010-4-13 10:26:07 | 显示全部楼层
Joe Wang的单口相声在美国能赢得哄堂大笑,在中国却没人笑, 呵呵

So a Chinese Guy Walks Into a Bar, And Says He's Irish—Get It?
It Might Depend on Where You Live; Comedian Stumps the Crowd in China

By CAROLYN CUI
No comedian wants to bomb in front of a big crowd. But Joe Wong, a chemist turned comic, is having a tough time with an audience of 1.3 billion.

When the 40-year-old Mr. Wong played the "Late Show With David Letterman" last year, people cracked up when he walked out and said, "Hi, everybody….So, I'm Irish." That appearance launched him on a tour of clubs around the U.S.

Yet in China, where Mr. Wong grew up, people were puzzled from the start. "How come the first sentence, 'I'm Irish,' can make Americans laugh?" one viewer asked in the comments on a subtitled video circulating in China. Because everybody in America is from Ireland, someone theorized. "It has nothing to do with that," said a third. It's because being "Irish itself is hilarious."

China Central Television, the biggest TV network in the country, deemed his success in the U.S. curious enough that it dedicated a special program to him in December. The peg: He's the Chinese scientist who makes Americans laugh. While CCTV declared that Mr. Wong's success proves "humor has no boundaries," it concluded the program without showing any of his jokes.

Mr. Wong's first live gig in Beijing, in late 2008, was "not successful," he says. In America, he says, it's funny to poke fun at yourself. But in China, there's no humor in misfortune. The audience struggled to grasp the punch lines, and Mr. Wong recalls looking out on the blank faces of a "polite but serious" crowd.

"That was an unfunny routine," says Ding Guangquan, a Chinese comedian, who invited Mr. Wong to perform there.

One of the jokes he told at Beijing's Haidian Theater, Mr. Wong says, was about parking: "I'm not good at sports, but I love parallel parking. Because unlike sports, when I am parallel parking, the worse you are, the more people are rooting for you."

That didn't get as many laughs in China as it does in the U.S., probably because Chinese drivers park wherever they want to, he says.

A widely followed blogger in China on cultural issues, He Caitou, says he decided not to recommend Mr. Wong to his 500,000 subscribers. His jokes are impossible for ordinary Chinese to get, he says. "If jokes need footnotes, it won't be funny at all," he says. "Except for his look, how else can we relate to him?"

Mr. Wong came to the U.S. in 1994, at 24, and earned a Ph.D. in biochemistry at Rice University. In 2001, he saw his first stand-up show. He was fascinated, but "only got half the jokes," he says. He took adult-education classes in stand-up comedy and started performing, while holding a day job as a researcher for a pharmaceutical company.

Mr. Wong isn't the first, of course, to find humor doesn't translate. Judy Carter, an American comedian and author of "The Comedy Bible," says she bombed when she did a gig for a Chinese audience in California. To set up a joke, she opened with "I just broke up with my boyfriend..." A collective sigh of sadness emanated around the room, she says.

Before a recent show in Hong Kong, Ms. Carter's hosts gave her a few rules of thumb: no physical comedy—it's not ladylike; no joking about the economy—too depressing; no riffs on marriage—too personal. And absolutely no dog jokes, lest she cast aspersions on Chinese eating habits.

She settled on a neutral topic—frustrations with newfangled technology. "Everyone hates technology," she says.

For generations, Chinese have enjoyed "Cross-Talk," a scripted routine typically with two comedians verbally jousting, eventually winding its way to a punch line.

But Cross-Talk is slowly losing its audience, says Wu Wenke, director of the folklore institute at the Chinese Academy of Arts in Beijing. Some productions that were once big hits are now considered vulgar and are banned by the government. Cross-Talk shows are "a disappointment," says Mr. Wu.

Younger audiences are starting to warm to the stand-up style, with a Chinese twist. There are footnotes: after the punch line comes an explanation of why it's funny.

In Shanghai, Zhou Libo's stand-up show has become a top event. His repertoire spans global warming, growing up poor and, that perennial crowd-pleaser, China's emergence as a global economic power.

He jokes about China's massive purchases of U.S. Treasury bonds: "I am really confused about why a poor guy lends money to the rich. We should just divide the money amongst ourselves," he says. "But on a second thought, each of us would only get a couple of dollars!" Then Mr. Zhou adds: "Because the population is so big."

While Mr. Wong has been panned in China, he has fans among English-speaking Chinese. On an Internet forum for Chinese living abroad, one person said his jokes accentuate stereotypes. Others defended him, with one saying he shows that not all Chinese are "paper nerds."

Last month, Mr. Wong performed before Vice President Joe Biden in Washington, earning a standing ovation at the Radio and Television Correspondents' Association dinner. To prepare, he read Mr. Biden's biography, he told the crowd, and, after meeting him, declared: "I think the book is much better."

Mr. Wong's approach is scientific. He tests hundreds of jokes in small venues: "Just like screening out cancer-related genes, sometimes only one out of 100 jokes is funny," he says.

And maybe even fewer in China.

Back home, Mr. Wong's dad is among those puzzled by his success. Huang Longji, who lives in an industrial city near China's border with North Korea, says he is proud of his son, but a career in comedy isn't what the retired engineer expected for his son.

"It's just like a black hen lays a white egg," he said.
 楼主| 发表于 2010-4-13 11:00:59 | 显示全部楼层
相关新闻:中国土产“博士笑星”黄西让美国副总统笑翻了(视)

去年,40岁的黄西参加了《大卫莱特曼秀》(Late Show With David Letterman)的演出。当他从幕后走出,并说“大家好……所以我是爱尔兰人”时,人们爆笑不止。此次演出开始了他的全美俱乐部巡演历程。

然而在黄西的家乡中国,人们从一开始就感到困惑。在中国流传着一个带有字幕的黄西演出视频。一名观众在评论中问道,为什么第一句话“我是爱尔兰人”就能让美国人发笑?另一个人总结道,因为每个美国人都来自爱尔兰。第三个人说,与这无关,因为是爱尔兰人本身让人发笑。

中国最大的电视网──中国中央电视台认为黄西在美国的成功令人称奇,并于去年12月为他专门做了一期节目。原因是:他是一名使美国人发笑的中国科学家。尽管中央电视台称黄西的成功证明“幽默无国界”,但节目一直到结束时也没有播放黄西的任何笑话。
黄西说,他2008年末在北京的第一场演出不成功。他说在美国,开自己的玩笑让人觉得有趣,但在中国,倒霉事儿没什么可幽默的。黄西回忆说,观众们努力想听懂笑话中的包袱,但台下的人礼貌、严肃、一脸茫然。

邀请黄西来华演出的中国相声演员丁广泉说,这不是个好笑的事。

黄西在北京海淀剧院演出时说的一个笑话与停车有关:我不擅长体育,但是我喜欢平行停车,因为跟体育不一样,你停车技术越差,你的观众就越多。

他说,这个笑话在美国让很多人发笑,但在中国却不行,可能是因为中国的驾车者想停哪儿就停哪儿。

在中国广受欢迎的文化问题博客作家和菜头说他决定不向自己的500,000读者推荐黄西。他说,普通的中国人不可能理解黄西的笑话。如果笑话需要注释,就一点都不好笑了。除了他的长相,我们还能怎么描述他?

黄西于1994年来到美国,当时仅24岁。后来获得莱斯大学(Rice University)生物化学博士学位。2001年,他第一次观看了单人喜剧表演。他说,他对此感到着迷,但只听懂了一半的笑话。他参加了单人喜剧成教班并开始参加演出,同时白天在一家制药公司做研究工作。

当然,黄西并不是第一个发现幽默无法翻译之人。美国笑星、《喜剧圣经》(The Comedy Bible)的作者卡特(Judy Carter)说,她在加州为中国观众表演时也遭遇惨败。她的一个笑话以“我刚和男友分手……”开头。她说,满场哀叹声四起。

卡特近期在香港演出前,东道主告诉她几条经验法则:不要表演肢体笑话──太不淑女;不要嘲笑经济──太沉闷;不要谈论婚姻──太个人化。而且绝对不要说狗的笑话,以免她中伤中国人的饮食习惯。

她最后选择了一个中性的主题──使用新奇技术时遭遇的挫折。她说,每个人都憎恨技术。

中国人世代喜欢听“相声”──通常由两名相声演员用事先准备好的段子在台上斗嘴,兜了一大圈最后说出一句点睛之句。

但中国艺术研究院曲艺研究所所长吴文科说,相声正在逐渐失去听众。一些原先红极一时的作品现在被认为是粗俗的,且被政府禁止。吴文科说,相声表演令人失望。

年轻一代的观众开始喜欢中国式的单人喜剧形式。点睛之句后面跟着注释,解释它为什么可笑。

在上海,周立波的单人喜剧表演引起轰动。他在节目中涵盖了各类主题:全球气候变暖、穷人的成长经历以及中国成为经济强国这一永远让众人欣喜的话题。

他把中国大规模购买美国国债变成笑料。他说,我真搞不清楚为什么一个穷人要把钱借给富人。我们应当自己把钱分了,但再一想,每个人只能分到几美元。因为中国人太多了。

尽管黄西在中国不受欢迎,但在讲英语的华人中有自己的粉丝。在一个海外华人网络论坛上,一个人说他的笑话只是陈词滥调。另一些人则表示反对。其中一个人说,黄西的表演显示了并非所有的中国人都是“书呆子”。

上个月,黄西在美国华盛顿举行的美国广播电视记者协会(Radio and Television Correspondents' Association)宴会上为美国副总统拜登(Joe Biden)等人表演,赢得了观众长时间的起立鼓掌。为了准备这场演出,他阅读了拜登的传记。在与拜登会面后,他告诉众人说,我觉得书要好得多。

黄西沿袭了科学的方法。他在一些小场合测试了数百个笑话。他说,就像筛查与癌症相关的基因一样,有时100个笑话中只有一个可笑。

而在中国或许更少。

黄西的父亲也和其他人一样对他的成功表示困惑。他的父亲黄龙吉(音)是一名退休的工程师,居住在靠近中朝边界的一个工业城市。他说他为儿子感到骄傲,但从事喜剧事业并不是他原来期望儿子走的路。

他说,就像是一只黑母鸡下了个白鸡蛋。

Carolyn Cui
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